There are those days.

The days when I feel tired beyond all hope.

When my mind couldn’t possibly answer one more fucking question.

My thoughts drift beyond my current reality.

A futuristic place of solitude and quiet.

Then. Guilt rushes in.

I can hear the shit pile of beliefs that flood into my awareness.

The rigid do’s and don’ts of “motherhood”

And judgements.

The fight happening in my back seat calls to my name.

No.

It calls to my role. My job. My responsibility.

There are those days.

The days when I seriously question IT all.

I can look into three sets of rich dark brown eyes.

I take a breath….or four.

Now. I question if I’m up to this.

What the hell?

My spirit seems too wild, too free, too big.

This role seems small, rigid and forever.

And yet.

Today.

On this day.

I can hear my answer.

I can hear beyond my cry of ‘ what the hell’

My soul.

These three souls.

I am exactly what they need, so they too can remember

I am not here to simply tell them who they are

And this.

This is the beauty amongst the chaos of our equation

We didn’t come here to ‘get it right’ or to ‘fly with the flock’

The forecast of this day.

My forecast lives beyond any labels or roles

It thrives and grows when I simply come alive

It breaks cycles and patterns of destruction and smallness

It calls to my greatness

It aligns within the cosmos and beyond…. because that’s the kind of magic that I AM

And so, whether it’s a fight in my back seat OR the fight happening within

All of it.

Me, them, out there and in here…it’s all one.

Because at the end of the day, there will ALWAYS be those days

The question becomes,

Do we tap inwards and create from our chaotic magic OR do we merely exist inside a role?

~Ange Arbuckle