I had wondered for years.
Wondered what happened? If I had truly done anything wrong?
I sense things.
I know things.
And I've long known that something had changed, but didn't know what.
Today. I finally got it.
I am not there and haven't been in years.
Something happens when you are not there to share your truth.
If you cannot speak to your behalf. Your side of the equation.
The other half of the equation takes hold and shapes the story to their preference.
They feed the plot.
My wild guess is that many have heard your stories.
My wild guess is that there is more than just facts feeding into these stories.
The fuel behind all of this has MUCH more history here than just me.
Your history and your ego of this equation is a force.
An undeniable force.
A force that has been shaping and influencing minds for eons.
A force that senses fear, weakness, indifference and starts there.
A force that can ignite a hundred fires but cannot truly touch his own.
I see it all.
And I've been tangled in this web for years trying not to care.
Trying to move on. Trying to forget and let go.
But thats just it. I care and I care to my core.
I care about the minds you choose to infect and this plot you keep feeding.
And honestly, I didn't quite know how to move on while still caring.
Knowing that those whom I was once close to and cared about are infected with your spit fire.
I have tangled myself in and out of this equation.
My dad would say "Ange, everyone's true colors and the truth eventually comes out"
Maybe he is right.
But, here's the thing about me.
I see the world beyond the surface.
Beyond the stories and illusions
I look deeper and see the world in energy and can feel vibrations.
I always have, but was too young and too afraid to reveal this side of me.
So as I strip away the characters, the past, the stories and I just look at you and I look at me.
I am reminded of the beginning of this equation.
And now. I can see what I couldn't see before.
I can see where I had cowered and held back and felt fearful of the force of your fire.
I can see where it has been easier to just nod and go along
I can see through all of the bull shit you've been invested in.
I can see that underneath this- is you- and the parts of yourself that you still guard
I can see this now because I choose to venture to these guarded parts of myself
To take back my fire, my hurt, my history
To ignite and stay within my own fire rather than just spitting fire and walking away
I see us as invitations to each others souls.
And with all invitations there is a choice. To accept or decline.
Invitation to slander and abuse simply do not fit within my nature
And because I am here to grow and evolve, here is where I now accept.
Here is where I can see the invitation you have been for me.
Here is where I get to move beyond the smallness and the past.
Where I get to free myself from this web and just fucking let go
Where I get to see us as two great forces of nature and magical beings.
As with all great forces, they can be used for disruption or creation
Just as our magic can be used to manipulate or to mesmerize
I believe in calling to the possibilities of the human spirit rather than undermining them
I believe if we do our inner work and own our fire, we will stop igniting 'small fires' around us.
I can see how easy it is for "all of us" to simply focus on what you don't like about another so that we never have to touch what lives inside of ourselves.
I can see where it had been easier to bypass the magical force of life that I am and to forget my own spark of light as a detour to avoid my darkness
This is not about forgiveness or forgetting
This is honoring and accepting the invitation you have been for me
This is simply my way of stepping back to see through a wider lens
To peel back enough layers to remember the core where I can see us both as one and to recognize the gift you have been
And while this invitation has not always been easy, it has been essential
Here is where I fully accept the mesmerizing creative force of life that I AM by igniting my own fire
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