I can see the ways you have loved me
Loved me like I was never going to leave
Loved me from your wounds
Loved me for who I used to be
Loved me for who I could be
I can see the ways you needed to soothe YOU through me
like I became the pacifier that would never leave
That our piece of paper we once vowed to slowly turned into weighted cement
And for years I was there....trying to love you
Trying to make us work
And so.
To try and love me as I leave
To suddenly turn and claim to see me, know me and now love me.
That is just cruel
Like this messy mind fuck that almost reeled me back in.
It almost had me....
To stay and try
To stay and work
To stay and pretend
Asking me to lick my wounds and to just get over it?
To skim over our past like it didn't happen
To maybe just stuff all those feelings back down and move forward and pretend
And why not make it about our kids and all that we had already lived through this far
Here is what I now know.
The wildness of my love is not safe within your wounds
As much as I know you are not your past
It continues to rage its weary head just enough
here and there
so neither of us never really knows when its coming back
Now that I am free I can see all of the stories
The stories of who I needed to be
The stories of who I believed you to be
The stories of who we were
And now.
The hardest part is finally choosing me
when all along that should have been an option.