I can see the ways you have loved me

Loved me like I was never going to leave

Loved me from your wounds

Loved me for who I used to be

Loved me for who I could be

I can see the ways you needed to soothe YOU through me

like I became the pacifier that would never leave

That our piece of paper we once vowed to slowly turned into weighted cement

And for years I was there....trying to love you

Trying to make us work

And so.

To try and love me as I leave

To suddenly turn and claim to see me, know me and now love me.

That is just cruel

Like this messy mind fuck that almost reeled me back in.

It almost had me....

To stay and try

To stay and work

To stay and pretend

Asking me to lick my wounds and to just get over it?

To skim over our past like it didn't happen

To maybe just stuff all those feelings back down and move forward and pretend

And why not make it about our kids and all that we had already lived through this far

Here is what I now know.

The wildness of my love is not safe within your wounds

As much as I know you are not your past

It continues to rage its weary head just enough

here and there

so neither of us never really knows when its coming back

Now that I am free I can see all of the stories

The stories of who I needed to be

The stories of who I believed you to be

The stories of who we were

And now.

The hardest part is finally choosing me

when all along that should have been an option.

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