I began to say YES.
I have been intensely discovering my way to finally reach this place inside.
And this.
This is a different kind of Yes.
This is a Yes to my soul, from my soul and for my soul.
Finally.
Everything began to make sense, my past struggles felt justified.
I even found a tribe of women who wanted the same for themselves.
I literally could feel the life I am HERE to live.
I could taste the sunrise as it meets my horizon.
I could see the pink sky of delight coming my way.
And then.... I fell.
Ok, let's say I stumbled.
This journey to my YES is not exactly as I envisioned.
Falling or stumbling was not part of my plan.
Now... I get it.
I had to first sit with the places inside that I had been saying no.
I had to allow the heaviness rise.
The realness of my past choices.
All of the spaces I long denied myself.
The aftermath of dis-connected living.
Saying no out of habit, out of fear and completetly out of my own awareness.
The places where I devalued myself out of obligation.
The places where my roles and busy life overrode the rest my body needed.
The places where I told myself 'not now', if you feel this it will interrupt your day.
The places where I silenced my own alarm bells.
The places where I wouldn't allow myself to feel.
The places I blatantly lied and said I was ok.
All of this began to surface, like it was just patiently waiting to finally rise and let go.
Honestly.
I wasn't prepared to feel the No's.
I have long been saying NO to my soul.
Saying no to my body.
I had been silently saying NO for years as my lips mutter yes to those around me.
I wanted to skip over this.
Skip straight to my new beginning.
And yet....
there really is no way around what we burry.
What we deny.
Our minds are rarely prepared for this kind of re-surface.
This is where the trust and connection to our bodies need to lead.
Now.
Now I can see that this stumble was really an acknowledgement.
A pause to honor my journey.
To honor my unique expression.
And finally....
To honor the courage it now takes to now live my awakened YES.
This YES comes from the depth of my soul.
A YES that truly comes from within.
The beauty that I can now see on my horizon has thankfully become much lighter!
~Ange Arbuckle